CRAFT: JIT for Writers

Before I start, I want to mention a blog. Tess Gerritsen. What a classy web site and blog. I encourage folks to visit her site. Even if for some mysterious reason you haven't read any of her books, she has a beautiful web site and an exceptionally interesting and entertaining blog. If you are at all interested in writing, you really should read it.

Her web site is: http://www.tessgerritsen.com
Her blog is: http://www.tessgerritsen.com/blogs.cfm

And yes, I have to admit that one of the very best things I like about her blog are the creepy facts. Maybe it's because when I was young, I studied to be a biologist, although when I grew up I married one instead. Or maybe I'm just weird, but I *love* her site.

Okay, now that that is out of the way (for now - I can't promise not to revisit the topic of Tess' blog in the future) let's move on to JIT.

JIT. What is it and what does it have to do with writing?

JIT is Just in Time. I learned all about JIT when I was working for Federal Prison Industries (from the outside, not from within the Federal Prisons, although...no, let's not go there). It's an idea from the manufacturing arena where you only get the materials you need to make your finished product at or right before the point where you need the supplies, because storing materials is expensive (warehouse space, security, investment of capital before you get reimbursed by selling what you're making--you figure it out).

JIT for writers is not wasting your time with meaningless research. Think of your research as the material you need to manufacture your finished product: your manuscript. Sure, you need enough to get you started, and maybe enough to germinate some ideas, but there is no point in spending days, weeks, months researching every nuance of something you may only include in one character's off-handed comment on page 212.

Personally, I have an overload sensor. I've used it for years when developing plans to install/upgrade/develop computer systems. I'll do a certain amount of research and then my overload sensor goes off. It says: ENOUGH! It is time to start doing something with all this information. Then I begin work. Inevitably, I find there was something I forgot, or something I still needed to look up, but I could get answers to those questions relatively quickly because I had already established a foundation. Once you establish that foundation, stop.

You have to work with information for it to be useful, so at a certain point, more information is just more garbage you're trying to stuff into the dustbin of your brain. Stop.

This is particularly relevant to writers of historical fiction who get lost in history, or writers of mystery/suspense that include a lot of law enforcement/forensics or other technical information. You can get so caught up in the research that you never write.

So how do you avoid that? I'm hoping that you all have an overload sensor and that if you're having this issue of non-stop research, it's because you've tampered with, shut off, or otherwise disabled your overload sensor. If you have, you simply need to listen to yourself. At some point, some wee voice in your head will say: Enough, already. I can't take this anymore, do or die. Write the darn book. Let me work with what I have now.

If you don't have an overload sensor, it is much harder. I would recommend then, that you simply set a time limit on your research. Certainly no more than a month unless part of what you're researching requires interaction with other humans and you have to stretch out your schedule to meet their schedule.

The point is, all you are trying to do is get your foundation poured. Once the foundation is there, you can just start writing. As you write, you'll find that you're missing some critical pieces or have questions, e.g. What did the cells in Newgate look like in 1820 again?

When you come up against a question, do this.
1) Look it up in Google. If you can find an immediate answer within 1 hour (that's GENEROUS so stop whining) then get your answer and move on.
2) If there's no immediate answer in Google, start a hot sheet. That's a pink (color is your choice) piece of paper on which you write questions you are going to have to research when you FINISH your rough draft.

• Number your questions on your hot sheet.
• Put a symbol (I like the * myself) and the corresponding question number IN YOUR MANUSCRIPT so that later, you can do a search for the symbol (i.e. *) and you can find all these places that will need to be fixed/answered when you edit.
• When you FINISH your rough draft, THEN you can research your questions, get your answers and go back through your document (using the search function for the *1 and *2 and so on, and insert the pertinent facts).
• If you require the fact to know which direction your story should take, well, gosh. I'm sorry. Write it anyway. Be flexible. Because you know what? After you write it anyway, you can usually find some way to bend your fiction to fit whatever facts you discover, after the fact. For example, if you say it takes 3 days to get lab results back and then find out it's more like 3 months, all you have to do is find an alternative, like, well, they could send it to a private lab because this is so urgent that they need it NOW. Or there is some experimental procedure they decided to use, to get the results faster. And you don't have to go on, and on, and ON about it in your manuscript, trying to excuse it. One sentence is usually enough to dismiss the discrepency and move on (Oh, Ms. Garner, we got the results back faster because we used my brother-in-law's lab...) That's all. You can usually find a way to work it in without too dramatic a change in your storyline, and besides, that's what edits are for.

Oh, I forgot to mention, I use the '*' because an '*' has no business being in a normal manuscript, so it's something I can search for without fear of finding things that aren't questions (0r questionable).

You should seriously consider using JIT in your writing if you have problems controlling the amount of time you spend doing research. Manufacturers use it to control costs. Writers should consider using it for the same reason. Every hour you spend researching and slithering down rabbit holes is an hour you are NOT writing. You're goal is to write, finish, and publish your book, not do endless research.

Your brain will also thank you for your newfound restraint in trying to stuff it full of things it doesn't really want or need in order to be creative. There really is a limit to how much information you need before you begin to work with it. And despite what you think, no matter how much research you do ahead of time, you'll have just as many questions as you write as you would have had, if you had stopped wasting time researching eons ago. Think about it. Or rather, stop thinking about it and start writing.

Show-and-tell time: if you've developed other strategies to avoid the dreaded over-research phenomena, let us know. JIT isn't the only technique but it's certainly a useful one.

Encouragement to All You Writer Wannabes

Sometimes, you just want to quit. Sometimes, you look around and see that the genre you love has changed and is no longer what you love and you are feeling lost and lonely out there, trying to write, and darn it, trying to be published, even though you know that what you're doing is no longer what anyone seems to want.

Or maybe it's really something different that no one wants.

Sound like you?
Sure sounds like me.

I've pretty much always wanted to write, heck, I wrote a charming little story about a germ in first grade, complete with illustrations (in LIVING COLOR) and even went so far as to bind the darn thing, myself. I joined Romance Writers of America when they first formed and maintained that membership because they are one of the few writers groups that permitted non-published members to join. Right now, I've got over ten completed manuscripts, and I have great hopes for the last five. I got an agent on the 6th manuscript, so there are four more even newer (better?) ones after that.

So why, you ask, are you depressed?
Well, I'm not published. Sure, I have an agent, but oddly enough, in my fearsome mind, that means I now disappoint TWO people when I get a rejection, instead of just little old me.

However, that's really not the REAL reason. The real reason is that the romance market has changed. The books I love have morphed into something I no longer relish quite so much. All the forums seem to talk about is how to make your books hot, hotter, HOTTEST! when all I want is a good story. I don't want explicit body parts/exchanging of fluids -- the mechanics stopped being interesting to me after I found out how it all worked for myself (oh, sure, you crazy thing - I *meant* me and my boyfriend--duh!). So what interests me now is the story. I don't mind a little nooky. I don't mind a brief interlude of closeness if someone realizes something or shows something relevant to the story, but going on, and on, and on about throbbing members and the hot, wet lips of heaven (chose your metaphor) is just too much.

To my sadness, I've even stopped buying a lot of genres I used to enjoy, e.g. historicals and romantic suspense, because I no longer trust authors not to make me wince with pages of entirely gratuitous engorged cucumbers-and-ripe-tomatoes in some Duke's pants.

When I read them, I wince for the same reason I wince when an actor entering on stage accidentally trips--because I'm embarrased for them, not because I'm shy (just ask my husband, or read my earlier blog, to whit it would be hard to call someone shy who is willing--for whatever reason--to stand outside in January in the pouring ran, naked, and to calmly lather up, rinse, and repeat). Those agonizingly long scenes seem like the author has made some huge mistake and their editor was too embarrassed to point it out to them.

Oh, sure I guess readers do like this cucumber-and-tomato stuff, but for those of us who'd rather gloss over it and concentrate on the emotional life of the characters and the story, it's a bit of a bore.

So, anyway, the reason I mention this is because as a writer, I feel increasing pressure to put those sorts of salads in my manuscripts. To make them more sensual (that's what they're calling this purple prose stuff).

I don't do purple prose and I don't do rules. But I do get depressed when I'm told what I write--romantic, historical mysteries--maybe won't sell unless I add more sensuality (i.e. purple prose). It isn't my style and sadly, even though, sure, I could toss in a few salacious salads, if I did that and for some reason one of my manuscripts sold, I wouldn't want to read the darn thing post-publication.

Here's the thing. I like mysteries and science fiction because even the boys like Heinlein tend not to go in for the throbbing cucumbers when they write the salacious bits. Strangely, I like Chick Lit for the same reason. Sure, they have sex scenes, but the prose is considerably less purple and they don't go on about it for days. And usually the scene makes some point so it serves a purpose other than titilation. I used to like romances until they took a 90 degree turn and headed off down past the belt line.

And sure, I can add sex scenes. In fact, I've done it (where appropriate and the characters both agree) in a *few* of my manuscripts. I just don't do it in *all* my manuscripts because in some, it isn't important to the story and the characters violently object. And after all, as a writer, you're relying on the cooperation of your characters to strip and coordinate the action. If they won't do it, then to force the matter just makes them...boring. And wooden.

So. Do I quit Romance Writers, because the only thing anyone talks about anymore is making "it hotter"?
Do I just quit, period, because clearly I'm not in step with the times?
Will times change - frankly, on this last question, I think folks misunderstand "change" and cycles. Yes, things cycle in and out, but each cycle morphs so it never cycles back to precisely where it was before - it's similar, but different. So I don't expect it to ever really cycle back to the good old reassuring days when the hero and heroine kissed at the end. The best you can hope for on the cycle back--if it occurs--is a shorter sex scene without a lot of explicit descriptions. But, I'm good with that.

For writers who also feel lost, abandoned, out of step with today's markets, and generally depressed, I will point to another blog. Miss Snark is reportedly an agent. She's got a fascinating blog and she continually makes one point. No matter how out of touch you are, how bad you think your writing might be, whatever the case, Don't Give Up!
Don't stop writing just because you're feeling a little out of touch.
Here is a link to her blog. Use it.

http://misssnark.blogspot.com/

Finally, don't feel alone out there. There are a lot of reasons to feel things aren't going your way as a writer. I'd love to hear from you about why you think your work isn't selling or won't sell. Misery loves company.

Getting What You Want

This is not going to be a post on how to get what you want. Let me make that absolutely clear, right up front. I don't get what I want, so I don't see why you would think I could advise you in this area.

It's just that I find it curious that I seem to get what I want, when I no longer want it, or when I didn't know I wanted it. But I never get what I want, when I want it. I find that interesting. It makes me wonder precisely what mechanism is at work there, because I've gone through all kinds of positive thinking seminars (forced on me under the guise of work-related training by my supervisors...hmm...does that mean they think I'm a pessimist?) and all the positive thinking seminars tell you to, well, think positive. Envision your goal. Envision yourself successfully attaining your goal. Envision hurling yourself off the balcony of your apartment building because you can't stand even ONE MORE person telling you in a chirpy voice that if you would just visualize it, you could attain your goals.

On what planet does that work? The blonde, peppy cheerleader planet?

Sporadically, I DO envision myself attaining my goals. And I do that, not just for a day, or a week, but years at a time. My limit seems to be five bloody, long years of envisioning a goal before I give in to my natural pessimism and realize it just ain't gonna happen, babe. And I give up.

So, still wanting to be a successful writer, I started envisioning that. Oh, not the walking through the airport and having people thrust books for you to sign into your hands, but the nice, you're gardening and get a new idea for a book you just know your editor (you have an editor!) will love sort of envisioning. I did that envisioning in college, but quit when I realized I needed to earn money if I was going to live long enough to continue envisioning anything. Then, ten years ago, I started envisioning again. This is the longest envisioning I've done. I think ten years is quite long. I wonder what those chirpy-voiced seminar instructors would say. I mean, were they able to keep envisioning something positively for ten freakin' years without any success?

What worries me and yet give me a strange feeling of hope is that I'm starting to feel tired with all this envisioning.

This gives me hope because it seems whenever I give up, I get what I want. Not through envisioning--no, but through simple despair.

When I first started working for a living, it didn't take me long to realize that I liked computers, and specifically operating systems. I wanted to be a systems administrator. So, I worked for 25 years in the computer field with some intersections with systems administration, but not as the enterprise systems administrator. Okay, so I finally get...tired...and realize I'm about 8 years away from retirement and I don't want this anymore because it's a lot of responsibility and for the first time in my career, I'm thinking it would be nice to slow down a little and not be the one responsible for digesting all the constant changes, planning out the deployments and then being up late at night and on weekends getting new operating systems installed and working, or answering HELP! calls from lower level systems administrator.

So, what happens? Right when I'm ready to throw in the towel and enjoy my last few years of work at a slightly less frantic/overworked rate, I get a job as an Enterprise Administrator. And here I am, planning a large project where I'll be working 18-20 hour days over the weekend and up-coming holiday, to get the first phase of a project completed. This is the job I always wanted. I have a dream boss. I'm a member of a great team. But, this isn't what I really want anymore, because I'd like more time to devote to other things such as gardening and writing.

Hmmm.

Then, I remember back in the early 90's, I realized, very belatedly, that I actually would like to get married at least once in my life. I frantically dated for a few years, got completely burned out, and just quit. I just couldn't take the dating anymore, trying to be freakin' nice and not quite so intelligent, and all the rest. I decided this was it, I was going to be alone until I died. Then I met my husband and got married. What is with that?

So now here I am, reaching the end of my writing tether. I'm tired of working long hours on my paying job, then logging back onto my computer to work several more hours writing. I'm tired of trying to make my heros and heroines "sympathetic". I'm exhausted trying to "tone down" my voice so that it's not quite so obnoxious and smart-ass, and I'm trying to include enough descriptions and internal dialog so that readers actually know what is going on. (I, personally, believe that the readers get enough from the dialog and actions to know what is going on, if they chose to think about it, but apparently most chose not to think--see--I'm trying not to be a complete intellectual snob, but there it is. I am. But, not the type of intellectual snob who thinks flinging paint at a canvas makes ART and if you can't see that, then you're simply not understanding what the artist is trying to convey. In that instance, I believe what the artist is trying to convey is that they want to get a lot of money for minimal or no effort, and convince everyone they are a genius when in reality, they have a hard time remembering how to flush the toilet. So, at least I'm not that kind of an intellectual snob.)

Interestingly enough, I also now have an agent. Sigh. Does this mean that the week I chuck it all in and go out and play instead of spending an extra 3 hours each night writing at the computer, I'll get a call from my agent telling me that she's gotten an offer?

If I chuck it all in now, will I get that call faster?
Ahhh, the power of pessimistic thinking...

Maybe I should teach a seminar on chucking it all in. Maybe I could become rich and famous.
Want to be Successful? Forget it! The Pessimist's Guide to Success!
Tired of working long hours with no rewards or recognition? Tired of rejection? Just plain tired? Then you need this course! All you have to do is QUIT TRYING! Park your lazy butt on the sofa and watch a few hours of television! Take a nap! Forget trying to excel! Believe in the zen of despair! Give it up NOW! Why wait a minute longer? The faster you give up, the faster you'll get what you no longer want! It's a miracle!

For just $19.95, I'll send you the complete kit: The Pessimist's Guide to Success! including the poster of your choice from www.despair.com, a mug (to hold all that coffee you no longer need to drink), and a book with a complete life plan on meeting your goals by giving up on them. But hurry - this is a limited time offer. By the time you read this, I'll have already given up on this plan and resigned myself to an old age riddled with despair and cans of cat food (or maybe dog food, because I think you get more for less with dog food...)

CRAFT: Subversive Writing

No, not subversive in the political sense. Subversive in the sense that I don’t believe in rules and I don’t think you should, either. When editors say they want to see something different, I believe this is what they mean. They want something that fits their marketing strategies and lines, for example, if they publish contemporary romance or suspense then they want a story that fits that genre, but when you stop to think about it, that’s a pretty darn loose framework. In fact, you can do anything you want as long as the ending is satisfying to the reader and satisfies the expectations of the marketing framework, that is, boy gets girl by the end of a contemporary romance.

As Thomas Edison said, “Rules? There ain’t no rules around here, we’re trying to accomplish something!”

That’s what I’m talking about. Subversive.
This does not mean the following:

• That you can forget about the rules of grammar. If you are an artist, you must be an expert with your medium. If you are a writer, your medium is writing and you absolutely must master the framework of writing, which is grammar. To not do so would be like an artist saying they don’t need to know how to draw a recognizable shape. Even an abstract artist needs to master the basic skill of drawing, and just like an artist, you must master your basic skill of writing, which includes grammar.
• That you don’t have to make sense to anyone but yourself. Baloney. The point of writing is to communicate. If you don’t want to communicate your ideas or story with others, than don’t write it. Or, if you write it, keep it to yourself. You can’t communicate if no one can understand what the heck you’re talking about, so make sense.
• Styling instead of writing your story. The perfect example of this is e.e. cummings. That’s the poet that went with all lower case and threw out many of the rules of grammar. That’s fine and it may have worked for the first poem or two, if that style was relevant to what was trying to be communicated in the poem. But after that, it became just another snobby, intellectual game.
  Do not chose style over content if you are trying to write something you want to sell as a novel, unless that style somehow supports what you want to accomplish. This sort of thing can be made to work, but you have to use your judgment. In fact, one of my favorite short stories was written in the form of a research paper complete with footnotes, and it was incredibly effective. Another author wrote their novel in the form of e-mails, which worked for that story. But in both cases, the story came first and the style supported that story. For goodness sake, don’t think of some “new” style and then squash a story into it, just to be different.

Surprisingly, that’s about it. You see? That’s really a short list.

Once you know how to write (that is, understand grammar and frame a story with a beginning, middle and end) you can use whatever techniques you feel are best suited to the story you are telling. I encourage you to try different things. When you look at the writers who have “made a mark” in one way or another, you often find they agree with Thomas Edison.

Nora Roberts completely ignores the rules about “staying in one character’s point of view, and avoiding head-hopping”. So do a lot of other writers. While I'm not fond of people shifting point of view to other characters when they are telling the story in first person (e.g. I was shopping last Friday and ran into a hit man...) I've seen this done effectively. The key is knowing when to do this.

P.G. Wodehouse made up words right and left, such as gazelling down the stairs. (That word really is brilliant and gives you a precise picture of someone gracefully jumping down the stairs.)

Michael McClelland completely ignored the advice about point of view and I don’t know how many other rules in Oyster Blues when he digressed for three fantastic pages about what happened when a chicken carcass was thrown overboard into the ocean. It worked. It was fabulous!

Those are just three examples, but they really do give you an idea of what I mean by subversive writing. It’s having the skill to support your story through the use of writing techniques that may not conform to every writing “rule of the road”. Slightly different techniques can enhance and make your novel different, and that’s just one of the things, and perhaps a very minor thing, that editors mean when they say they’re looking for that fabled: something different.

Of course, they also mean a different slant on the genre, a different theme, different characters, or many, many other things, but keep in mind that the rules out there may or may not help you. Learn them, certainly be aware of them, and if you are uncomfortable as a writer, you may follow the rules to keep from straying into the brambles or over an unseen cliff, but be aware that as you grow as a writer, you only have to remember one thing: do what is best and most effective for your story. That’s it.

Rules? What rules?

CRAFT: Great Opening Lines for Novels

Name your favorite writing periodical, instructor, or mentor and you'll find that among all the other gems handed to you is the advice to write a great opening line. If not opening line, then at least opening paragraph.

What makes a killer opening?
I'm trying to figure that out myself.

Mostly, however, I think it's one or more of the following. Of course unlike salt or cayenne pepper, more really IS better, so if you can do all the the following, you, too, will have a killer opening...

1. Sets the tone for the book. Funny if the book is funny, gritty if the book is gritty. If you're writing something with a humorous slant and you can make the reader laugh at the first sentence, you've got the reader hooked.
2. Sets the scene. Where are the characters? What are they doing? You'd be surprised at how many books start out with a sentence about the weather. It was a dark and stormy night... But in many stories, this actually works. I'm not saying not to start with the weather, but if you do, make sure it sets the mood and scene. A very good example of one that works is shown below, written by Andre Norton.
3. Introduces the hero/heroine. Even better if you know or learn something about where the character is or what their initial obstacle is. Like a dead body in the trunk (see Victor Gischler's first line below...)
4. Creates a question the reader has just got to get answered. Whose dead body? What happened? (Sorry. I seem to be mentioning a lot of dead bodies around here.) Or, the hero is in jail. How did he get there? Will he get out? There is one question, however, you don't want your reader to have: What the heck is going on or happening? If your reader just gets confused, it's not working. You want to provide enough information to let your reader understand the situation, but still leave that tantalizing question in their mind to keep them reading.

So, taking a random selection of my favorite reading material, I came up with a short list of really terrific opening lines/paragraphs. As I mention them, I'll show how they drag the reader into the story...

Elizabeth Eyre
From Death of a Duchess
"From this very bed she was snatched!"

From Curtains for the Cardinal
"The Princess is dying. She can see no one."

From Poison for the Prince
"Have you come from the grave?"

These three openings are from mysteries set in the Italian Renaissance. They all three drag you right into the story. The first, because it immediately draws you in to find who was snatched, which is the first mystery element in the story. You also know they are in the bedroom (very bed) of the woman who was kidnapped. So this first sentence accomplishes a great deal. You know:

• A woman was kidnapped; and want to know who she is and why she was kidnapped
• You are located in a bedroom, and specifically, the kidnapped woman's bedroom

The second opening also gives you a tremendous amount of information in very few words. You know you are trying to gain entrance to see a Princess, and you know she is dying. You are set up to ask: Why is she dying? Is that why you're forbidden entrance, or is there some other dark purpose...

The third again draws you in immediately for the shock value. Who is the person being addressed and why were they assumed to be dead?

All of them make you want to read more. All of them have a economical style and wry humor that sets the tone of the story.

Victor Gischler
From Gun Monkeys
I turned the Chrysler onto the Florida Turnpike with Rollo Kramer's headless body in the trunk, and all the time I'm thinking I should've put some plastic down.

This is a suspense with a strong humorous element. This first sentence says it all. You know:

• The hero is driving a Chrysler, he's in Florida on the turnpike, with a dead guy in the trunk, so you also pretty much know the guy is a criminal.
• And you know the character normally plans ahead, and he's gotten into or is going to get into difficulties pretty soon because of that vaguely ominous statement: I should've put some plastic down...
• The dry wit firmly settles the reader into the tone of the book.
• And oddly enough, it's that self-deprecating, dry tone that makes you like the hero, even though he really is quite the violent bad boy...

That last point is important because it highlights something more than just writing a killer first line. The tone of the first line in this book is what makes the hero sympathetic (because it sure isn't his actions during the first few chapters). If it wasn't for that wry humor, many readers would dislike the main character. They may still dislike him, despite the sense of humor, but none-the-less, for many readers, it's the tone that makes the difference.

So in this book, that first line is doing an awful lot of work. It's setting the scene, introducing the first complications, setting the tone, introducing you to the hero, and convincing you to like the hero, all without the overt manipulation of adding things like a pet dog to try to make your hero or heroine sympathetic.

P.G. Wodehouse
From Leave it to Psmith
At the open window of the great library of Blandings Castle, drooping like a wet sock, as was his habit when he had nothing to prop his spine against, the Earl of Emsworth, that amiable and boneheaded peer, stood gazing out over his domain.

P.G. Wodehouse is a brilliant humorist and is responsible for Jeeves, that annoyingly capable bulter. This first sentence has quite a lot in common with Mr. Gischler's first sentence, believe it or not. Let's see what this one covers:

• It sets the scene at Blandings Castle, on a nice day (because the window is open)
• We meet the Earl of Emsworth
• We find out the Earl is both amiable and a bonehead
• It sets the dry, witty tone and gives you an initial chuckle over the "bonehead" remark, promising more chuckles later on

Kathy Reichs
From Deja Dead
I wasn't thinking about the man who'd blown himself up.

Ms. Reichs is a wonderful suspense writer and unlike the other authors listed above, her tone is dark and tense. This short introduction to Deja Dead immediately sets that tone.

• The tension is immediate--a man blew himself up? Who? How did it happen? And what else has happened that could possibly make the narrator not think about this tragedy?
• The questions created by this draw the reader in with such tension and "need to know" that it would be impossible to read that and not continue for at least a few pages.

Here, the impact of the first sentence is to used to set the tone and create questions. That's enough. So you can see that it isn't always necessary to do everything in the first sentence, just enough to get the reader, reading.

The following is another example of setting questions and tone firmly in the mind of the reader, except the tone is changed again to wry humor...

Michael McClelland
From Oyster Blues
The rum alone would not have been enough to make Harry shoot them like he did.

• We do have a little more information in the form of the character's name, Harry, and the fact that he's a little, well, drunk. And armed.
• Why was he drinking? Was he drinking to forget (that's the romantic view, anyway)?
• But again, we want to know: Who did Harry shoot? And why (because it apparently wasn't the liquor that made him shoot...)?

Andre Norton
From Witch World
The rain was a slantwise curtain across the dingy street, washing soot from city walls, the taste of it metallic on the lips of the tall, thin man who walked with a loping stride close to the buildings, watching the mouths of doorways, the gaps of alleys with a narrow-eyed intentness.

Here we have an example of starting with the weather, but it works because it sets the dreary, yet ominous scene. This first sentence, while long, sets up the ordinary world and tension for this fantasy. We get the following elements:

• The setting is described: A filthy, dismal 'ordinary world' of the city.
• We meet our hero and know a great deal about him: he's tall and slender and is alert. He's aware of his surroundings. This alertness immediately begins to make us like him--he's not some dimwitted slob stumbling blindly through the rain, he's an intelligent man who in the midst of desperate circumstances is watchful and cautious.
• The first line sets the tone and tension, because we know he's checking for signs of something...
• We want to know why he's studying the doorways and alleys. What kind of trouble is he in?

Although the line, It was a dark and stormy night, rather deflated the idea of using weather as a way to set tone, it is effective if used properly. I actually had to go through several books to find first sentences which did not use weather in some way in the first sentence. For many writers, they see the beginning of a novel as a general, wide-angle camera scene where the reader is introduced to the location outside, seeing the landscape or building drenched in whatever weather exists. Then, the writer tightens the focus from the general to the specific hero or heroine. While this can work, you do have to be wary of the "dark and stormy night" phenomena.

I've also heard warnings about opening up with conversation, but I've found this to actually work quite well if you're as good at it as Elizabeth Eyre. The trick is to have a character say something interesting to set the scene.

Conclusions

All-in-all, it looks like great opening lines are exceptionally difficult to write. Anything that looks that smooth and easy, but does so much and presents us with so many questions just has to be hard to do. I know I certainly find it difficult.

But, if you can write a first sentence that introduces your character, sets the tone, sets the scene, gets your reader asking questions, and mentions the weather ;-) your story will be unstoppable and unforgettable.

Restored Faith in Our Judicial System

Well, shut my mouth. I got "stuck" on Jury Duty this week and expected it to be the week from h*ll, but it actually wasn't. It was a civil suit. The plaintiff was suing for medical expenses after a car accident. There were actually three issues we had to decide:

1. The plaintiff, Ms. X, claimed she reinjured her back (broken 2 years previously in a 4-wheeler accident) through the negligence of Miss Y. So issue 1 was: was Miss Y negligent?
2. If issue 1 was 'yes' then we were to decide how much money to award Ms. X. She was asking for enough to cover her medical expenses.
3. Issue 3 was that Miss Y was suing the driver, Mr. Z, of the car Ms. X was in, for negligence. If we awarded monetary damages to Ms. X, and found Mr. Z also negligent, then he and Miss Y together had to pay Ms. X.

Mr. Z and Ms. X at the time of the accident were boyfriend/girlfriend. They were in the same car.

Miss Y was part of a caravan of college students from another state, driving to the beach for summer vacation. They were using 2-way radios to stay in touch and had decided to stop at a fast food restaurant for lunch. Miss Y was in the middle car in the caravan. The first car had already turned into the fast food restaurant when the accident occurred.

As soon as we saw the pictures, I knew what had happened. Mr. Z and Ms. X had been using the turn lane to bypass a line of cars at a stoplight 1/4 of a mile up the road. Miss Y was in that turn lane, waiting for an opening in oncoming traffic to turn into the fast food restaurant. Mr. Z was zipping up the turn lane, saw Miss Y ahead and tried to go around her on the left, realized there was a median strip ahead so he had to swerve back to the right to get back into the turn lane before he hit the cement median. At that moment, Miss Y took her foot off the brake to turn left into the restaurant, not seeing Mr. Z coming up on her left where there should have been no traffic. Mr. Z hit her, catching her front driver side bumper with his front, right-side (passenger side) wheel well, bending outward Miss Y's bumper.

I had narrowly avoided an accident such as this, myself, last year in Chicago, when some jerk tried to swoop around me on the left side when I was in the left turn lane with my blinker on to turn left. I fortunately saw them and did not let my foot off the brake. Miss Y was not that lucky. However, her boyfriend, seated next to her had the presence of mind to take a bunch of photos at the scene.

The attorneys for Ms. X and Mr. Z tried to claim Mr. Z (traveling illegally up the turn lane that is one of those marked for both north and south bound turns into various stores for 1/4 of a mile before a light) had been in the turn lane and Miss Y tried to turn into the turn lane and from there into the restaurant from the normal thru-traffic lane. However, given the position of the cars, and Mr. Z's skidmarks, this was simply not possible, even though they drew plenty of diagrams to make us think that it was, and to make us think Mr. Z's skidmarks started out while he was completely in the turn lane instead of being of the far, far left of the turn lane where he actually was.

Anyway, when we were finally told to go and make our decision, I was groaning to myself thinking, well, this jury has to come to a unanimous decision and I sure don't want it to take days, so I was planning to make little paper cars and show why Ms. X and Mr. Z's stories didn't hold water, and failing that, recommending the smallest monetary recompense we could do. Because there were some other facts about Ms. X's medical expenses that didn't seem right to me. Like her doctor was the doctor she worked for, and the fact that she had another accident a week later. And she didn't appear to acquire pain medication until about 2 months later according to the pharmacy bills.

Anyway, another telling point was that we couldn't get the police officer's accident report. I'm convinced this was intentional on the part of the plaintiff who wouldn't want that entered into evidence because it would clearly have stated that the accident was Mr. Z's fault. No police officers testified at all.

Was I in for a surprise! When we got in the jury room, everyone said: it was Mr. Z's fault, no doubt about it! No one even disagreed! I didn't even have to bring forward my arguements (that I had been mentally preparing) with the little paper cars or the fact that this was a civil suit because clearly, Mr. Z was at fault and Ms. X was his girlfriend and could not or did not get his insurance to cover her medical bills. Not to mention that one week after this accident, she was in another car accident so it would be difficult to state which accident aggravated her back problems, if indeed they were aggravated by either. It was interesting that her bill for medicine was dated in August when the accident was in June. I guess she didn't need any pain medication until August. Hmmm.

So the final decisions were:

1. NO. We found in favor of the defendant. [The plaintiff, Ms. X, claimed she reinjured her back (broken 2 years previously in a 4-wheeler accident) through the negligence of Miss Y. So issue 1 was: was Miss Y negligent? no. She was in the turn lane, waiting to turn.]
2. $0 [If issue 1 was 'yes' then we were to decide how much money to award Ms. X. She was asking for enough to cover her medical expenses. She got zip because Issue 1 was no.]
3. -- [Issue 3 was that Miss Y was suing the driver, Mr. Z, of the car Ms. X was in, for negligence. If we awarded monetary damages to Ms. X, and found Mr. Z also negligent, then he and Miss Y both had to split the payments to Ms. X. Because of answering NO to 1, this issue was left as is - Mr. Z was clearly at fault.]

Anyway, I was really impressed by how well all twelve jurors with differing education and backgrounds were able to weigh the evidence and every one of us came up with the same conclusions. Maybe this was just a simple case, I don't know, but I have to say I was impressed with my fellow jurors who covered a wide, wide variety of lifestyles and showed an uncanny ability to sift fact from fiction. I was further impressed that they didn't hold the fact that Miss Y was young and from out-of-state against her. They didn't find in favor of the plaintiff just because she had lived locally all of her life.

Maybe there is hope for us yet! Maybe our judicial systems has the occasional good day.

(Although I have to say, I thought this law suit was frivolous to begin with, but I'm glad we decided the way we did.)

Will it never end?

The saga continues...
We got power back (yippee!) only to find that four days later, our pump failed due to the electrical stress of having no power-some power-no power. So we had no running water again for three days.

But I did establish a routine.
1 - Evening: a. Drag four empty buckets to the pond. b. Fill buckets. c. Drag back to the house. d. Flush toilet(s). e. Go back to the pond, refill buckets and bring back to the house. f. Fill largest pot and leave on the stove. g. Fill as many plastic gallon jugs as can find. h. Wash. i. Realize just used up morning water. j. Go back to pond. k. Drop flashlight into pond. l. Fish flashlight out of pond. m. Refill buckets. n. Stumble back to house in the dark because the flashlight doesn't work anymore.

Trivia: Water weighs 7 lbs per gallon on the first trip. Each subsequent trip adds 1 lb per oz.

2 - Morning: a. Go to the kitchen and turn on stove to heat large pot of water. b. Eat breakfast. c. Take boiling pot of water upstairs. d. Trudge back downstairs and get a plastic jug of water. e. Go back upstairs. f. Take pot of boiling water and jug of cold water and get into the shower. g. Fill small bowl with boiling water. h. Pour over self. i. Scream (gently so I don't scare the dogs and cats staring at me in disbelief). j. Dip another bowl of boiling water, remember to add cold water, pour over self. k. Wash. l. Rinse, remembering to add dollops of cold water, particularly when rinsing burned areas.

Go to work. Nope, sorry, make that Jury Duty because I got selected this week.

Come home.

Sit in numb horror staring at the dishes piling up in the sink. Drape towel over dirty clothes so I can't see how deep the pile is getting.

Go to step 1a.

I'm back and as annoying as ever...

This has certainly been an interesting couple of weeks. I now know why bathing is a luxury despite what we think. U.S. citizens are really obsessed with whiter-than-white teeth and cleanliness. Not that I'm not. I brush my teeth after I eat, and I mean that. I carry a toothbrush with me. But my teeth are still the same off-white they've always been despite everything.

Anyway, this is not about teeth.

It all started with the local power company. They decided to change out our electricity meter to a new-fangled digital one without asking us if we like the idea. I would have told them, no. Digital is all fine and well, heck, I'm a computer geek (geek girl) but unlike most Technophils (those who love technology, as opposed to Technophobes who dislike technology) I believe all that is digital is not good. There are some very good analog devices, ones that are simplier, and that, in fact, work better because they are simplier. There is less to go wrong, and you can "play" with analog. Tune it and get marginal results which may be better than no results. I'm not a fan of the binary on-off quality of digital. I like the marginal, not-always-all-there zen of analog. But, I digress.

The power company changed our meter. By Friday, Jan 13th, we had no electricity. This, of course, is the start of a 3-day holiday weekend. They were unconcerned about this and blithely told us that the lack of electricity was NOT THEIR PROBLEM. Thank you. I wanted to point out to them that it seemed a little UNREASONABLE for them to have this attitude since:
a) We had electricity BEFORE they changed out the power meter.
b) It was the start of a 3-day holiday weekend. In January. And we have our own well, which interestingly enough, requires electricity to operate the pump. So not only were we without electricity for things such as lights, we also had no heat and no water. In January. I'm not even counting things like cooking with our all-electric range and our electric refrigerator, and our electric microwave. I don't think they even make a propane microwave, but I may be wrong.
c) They couldn't even recommend an electrician to help us out, and the power company indicated they would charge us $100 if we had them come out and turn off the power in the unlikely event that we found an electrician who might be willing to help us.

My husband, however, handled the communications with the electrical company, so they did not get the privilege of hearing my remarks. My husband has awe-inspiring self-control.

We did not get electricity back until January 19th.

However, we are nothing if not inventive. We have a pond so frequent trips with buckets allowed us to use the bathroom facilities when absolutely essential (we dumped pond water into the commodes to flush them for those who haven't a clue what I am talking about). It also rained, so I was able to take a natural shower outside. Of course, this was at night. In January. But we live on a 20-acre farmlet and our closest neighbor is 2 miles away, so being arrested for indecent exposure was the least of my worries.

Surprisingly, I did not catch my death of cold, so Myth Busters, you can add THAT to your list of busted myths. You do not catch cold or death by standing naked outside in January in pouring-down rain.

What is good about this is that it serves to remind me that even though I'm not crude enough to have characters in my historical mysteries that don't bathe, bathing really is a luxury. If you are hauling water and chopping up wood to heat that water, and you are given a choice between using that water to, say, cook dinner, or to, say, bathe or wash clothing, I think the priority item is going to be food. You're not going to waste water (it weighs 7 pounds per gallon, by the way) you've struggled to get into the house for something trivial like washing, because then you're going to have to haul MORE to cook, and you'll get all sweaty anyway, again, from lugging that water around, so the washing bit is rather pointless...

On the bright side, the last few years have blessed us with hurricanes and ice storms so we have a LOT of trees down in the woods, therefore gathering wood for the stoves (that we didn't yank out even though we talked about doing that) is not a huge chore, although you still have to chop it up. We also have a generator so we could keep the freezer going. And we have propane and propane accessories (hmmm, that sounds SO familiar) for cooking, in addition to the wood stove, and the cats and dogs are happy to curl up on us for warmth, so all-in-all it's not as tragic as it sounds. Once you get used to no television, no lights and no running water, you get to see the advantages. No vacuuming. No laundry (unless you drag it all to a laundromat). No television. No computer, no email. You can read books by candlelight (or the itty-bitty book light). Food cooked over a fire really does taste better. Spit bathes with ice cold water take less time than a shower. You finish faster and are more than ready to dress for the day.

After all is said-and-done, I don't mind no electricity so much. Television is completely unnecessary to me now--I have no idea what is even on anymore. I like that. I also like running water, though, particularly WARM running water, but heck, cold water builds character faster.

I must have a LOT of character.

Visionary? Get real...

This is getting really scary. I did another of those cute, "answer these questions and see what it reveals about you" blogthings and yet again, it is babbling on about visionaries. Me? Umm, that is certainly a new one. I have never thought of myself as visionary. Dumpy maybe, or even practical, but visionary?

Your Hidden Talent

You're super sensitive and easily able to understand situations. You tend to solve complex problems in a flash, without needing a lot of facts. Decision making is easy for you. You have killer intuition. The right path is always clear, and you're a bit of a visionary.

What's Your Hidden Talent?

What kind of soul are YOU?

Okay, I tried to be honest, but somehow I think I missed the boat on this one. I expected it to say something like: You're practical and down-to-earth and generally react with, "a soul? what's that?" when discussing anything outside questions such as: "what's for dinner?" or more importantly, "what can I use to kill fire ants?"

Maybe I just *think* I'm practical and maybe that explains an awful lot that's been going on lately, that I've just been putting down to: "aging stinks because you don't get wiser, you get stupider, not to mention forgetful..." (Oh, man, did I forget to turn off the stove this morning or not--man, I'm going to have to go back home and check! Then, driving down the road the second time, Oh, man, did I remember to lock the front door? I've got to go back and check...again!) Somehow this doesn't seem very spiritual to me.

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness. Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connect to your soul. You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable. Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings. You have great vision and can be very insightful. In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself. Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend. You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer. Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Post-Submission Blues

Trying to become a published author is going to kill me, I just know it. My agent just submitted my manuscript to two publishers and for the first time, I have post-partem depression. I so want an editor to fall in love with my story, and I'm so afraid they won't. On the other hand, I'm also terrified that they will fall in love with it and have expectations. I hate people having expectations about me. I mean, you then have to start living up to expectations. This can be a very bad thing. While it may make you perform better, it can also drive you crazy. It could also mean they want to see another manuscript soon.

I'm getting frantic about that next manuscript soon thing, because I've realized that while I can whip out a new rough draft in no time, that rough draft is in no way something I want any human being to ever see. I like it to sit for a while, preferably about a year while odd thoughts percolate through my pea-brain, at which point I go back and start the revamp process, which may take another year of piddling, doing something else for a month or two, and then piddling again. Not that I'm not continuing to write more manuscripts in the meantime, but that first one can take up to two years to get where I want it to be before an agent or editor sees it. My mind munges edits very slowly and it takes a long time for me to think of all the things I really wanted to reveal in a story.

Over the last two years, I've managed to write three rough drafts (I was depressed in 2005 - normally I can do 3 rough drafts in a year) and one of those is within inches of being sent to my agent. But that is not a high production rate when you think about it. And one of the ones I've written is "outside" of my normal genre, which is Regency-set romantic mysteries. The oddball is a contemporary vampire tale, just because I felt like doing something different and everyone is doing one. And I loved John Carpenter's "Vampires" movie, which, okay, is old-hat now, but still, it was inspiring.

Anyway, my survival at this production rate will be dependent upon me "staying ahead of the curve" by writing enough manuscripts far enough in advance that when some publisher (or my agent) wants to see something new, I can give them something which I wrote, say, two years ago, and have since polished to a diamond-like sparkle.

I recently poked around Sue Grafton's web site (she's my idol) and she indicated that she had to convince her editor to let her do one book every two years instead of one book every year. This made me feel marginally better because she's this terrific, big-time writer and it takes her time to polish her stuff, too (at least that is what I'm assuming, although it could mean she takes 1.5 years to research and then 6 months to write/polish).

So maybe I just need to quit worrying and get to work writing about 60 rough drafts so over the next few years I can have a book published every 6 months and everyone will think I'm this brilliant writer who can whip out a book in 3 months. Yeah. That's the ticket. Okay, I'm on it.

CRAFT: Characters, POV and Sympathy

This week, I'm rereading one of my favorite books, Death of a Duchess by Elizabeth Eyre (actually, that is a writing team). It's a mystery set during the Italian Renaissance. What I find very interesting about this book is the use of point of view (POV) and descriptions of the hero. This book violates just about everything I've learned in writing classes, and yet I personally find it hard to put down and it ranks as one of my all time favorite books. I wanted to bring this to other writers' attention because it highlights that there really are NO RULES: There is only what works (as published authors are so fond of saying).

Death of a Duchess is the first in a series of books about a man who performs investigations for his Duke. In this first book, the duke's duchess has been murdered, although it starts out with one of the noblemen's daughters being kidnapped. I provide this information so that you understand the situation and realize this is the first introduction to the main character, Sigismondo.

POV in this book ranges from inanimate objects, e.g. the wind, to characters, but mostly resides in Benno who is a servant picked up on page 6 during this first book. This is somewhat reminiscent of the role Dr. Watson plays with Sherlock Holmes.

It is rife with passive voice. I mention this because we are so often told that passive voice is a no-no. Another rule that really should be more of a guideline (and a loose one at that) than a rule.

Anyway, here are the first several paragraphs in the book. I sincerely hope I'm not violating any copyrights, and I do encourage folks to buy the book because it is extremely good. It starts out with a very exciting statement, which (in my mind) immediate captures the reader. This very sentence sets up a puzzle in the reader's mind that demands an answer. It is what keeps the reader, reading.

If you can write something which catches the reader's attention as well, you are either a published author, or will be, soon.

(I've highlighted mentions of the hero in bold red.)
...From the Death of a Duchess

"From this very bed she was snatched!"
The Lord Jacopo di Torre's long sleeve followed his dramatic gesture and swept a scent bottle from the bedside chest. The Duke's emissary, with an agility unexpected in one of his strong build, caught it and stood turning it as if to admire the carved onyx and gold. Jacopo waited for a comment about the bed, whose sheets had been wrenched back, pillows tossed abroad with every sign of a violent struggle. There could be no doubt that he was right. This had been the very bed.

"You heard nothing?" asked the deep foreign voice.
The emissary's dark eyes genially surveyed the doorful of servants who gaped and manoeuvred for a better view. "And no one else heard anything?"

Heads were shaken. An elderly woman in an extinguishing headkerchief kept up a low wail amid her linen. Jacopo glanced at her in irritation. "Even my sister slept. No one heard anything. In this whole household, every living soul slept!"

Not one of the servants seemed ready to oppose this. To sleep soundly at a legitimate hour was, after all, the mark not of laziness but of exhaustion brought on by virtuous toil.

HERO
Because of all the talk about creating sympathetic heroes, and my love for Sigismondo, I went back to see why this character works so well. The writing team of Elizabeth Eyre has done an amazing job with Sigismondo, as you can see from the text listed above. For the first few pages, all we have are brief descriptions of him and a few actions. Until page 9, he is just called 'the emissary'. On page 9, we get his name.

I believe we like Sigismondo from the beginning, because of the contrast between his calm, thoughtfulness and Jacopo's irritation and over-reactions. This is a point I really wanted to bring out. So many writers bring their heroine or hero onstage with a dramatic flourish where that character is fuming in anger or some other violent emotion. I believe that is a quick way to alienate readers, because what do people do when they see someone angry in public? They avoid them. I really dislike books where my introduction to the heroine is when she's angry or overreacting in some way.

In any event, here are the first few references to Sigismondo:
Page 1
...an agility unexpected in one of his strong build...
...The emissary's dark eyes genially surveyed the doorful of servants...

Page 2
...The heavy shoulders shrugged, and the emissary indicated, with a movement more economical than Jacopo's, the bed...
...The emissary nodded as if it were axiomatic that a wise dog would stifle noise for fear of harm. He asked no further about yard dogs...

...Jacopo chivvied him to the window with darting motions of the hands that failed of actually touching the fine black leather of the man's jerkin...

[Who doesn't love a broad-shouldered man in black leather who intimidates men in power?]

Page 3 (this is an absolutely WONDERFUL habit of Sigismondo described here and used hereafter - I adore this trait.)

...He had a habit, which Jacopo found as irritating as his sister's wailing, of humming deep in his chest when he was shown anything. It was not a tune, but a sound like a satisfied bee. It conveyed the disturbing impression that all he saw was what he expected to see. He leant over the stone balustrade and, narrowing his eyes...

...At his leisure, the large man reversed...
...The emissary would have had some difficulty not seeing the cloth thrust at his face, but he did not stir...

On page 6, we meet: ...The lack-wit had large round eyes. He looked up at the broad-shouldered man in black...

This brings onstage Benno, who is thrown out by Jacopo and immediately follows the emissary and picks up the narration to a large degree. This is another way we begin to like Sigismondo - he "picks up" this servant who was thrown out to starve and who actually proves to be beneficial to the investigation. Showing Sigismondo understands that the servant is more than just a lack-wit, and is kind enough to provide him food and employment. A few pages later, Sigismondo also provides a few coins to some beggar children and tousles their hair (despite it being matted and louse-infested).

So, that's the hero--no name until page 9. You never get into his head, except a few quick glimpses here and there. In this, he is in the Sherlock Holmes tradition.

POV
POV purists would go insane with this book. To a large degree, there IS no POV (it's omniscient) or the POV is from an inanimate object's perspective. I really love that aspect because it makes many of the descriptions exceptionally vivid. Here are some of the finest examples:

This paragraph (p. 15) starts out from Benno's POV and then drifts. I'm including the entire paragraph because it begins with another of the sparse descriptions of Sigismondo.

Sigismondo gave a hum of general assent. They walked down the wide cobbled ramp, and Benno began to speak, but, looking up at the dark, somewhat monumental face, he stopped and trotted alongside in silence. They left the Castello, coming out from the gatehouse tunnel and looking over the coral-and-gold patchwork, higgledy-piggledy, of tiled roofs punctuated by the tall spires of churches and the towers of minor palaces. Beyond these were fields and the great encircling wall with its gates and turrets; beyond that lay farmland, brown patches of woods and the rising undulations of the hills. The river, which through the centuries had sliced through the hills to the north, had come up against the outcrop of Rocca in the course of its meanderings through the valley and, recognizing an immovable object when it saw it, took a respectful loop around its base and dawdled off into the distance where, just visible, lay the sea.

P. 77

The bitter wind from the mountains had been amusing itself all day, plucking at the roofs of stalls and women's skirts and coifs, blowing hoods and hats off heads, rattling shutters as though keen to come in by the fire and thaw the ice from its breath, sidling under doors to worry people's ankles, and driving straw and dust everywhere. Now, rejoicing, it met Sigismondo and Benno on the road outside the city walls. As they bent before it, furling cloaks over their mouths, urging the horses on, the wind threw in a sprinkle of snow as an added caress, token of what lay ahead in the hills they road towards.

To me that is one of the greatest descriptions of weather I've read in a long time. As I read this book, I'm just in awe of the writing. It's funny and exciting and despite an almost complete lack of introspection, you (or at least I) adore the characters.

I just wanted to send this because of the discussions about sympathetic characters. There is always more than one way to skin a cat, and there really aren't any rules, just guidelines.

Recipe for Red Cabbage

Recipe Alert!
I got this wonderful recipe for German Red Cabbage from my mother-in-law. We're having it for dinner tonight, along with ham and mashed potatoes, and I thought I share it. Cabbage is very good for you, and this is outstanding.

Red Cabbage
1/3 stick of butter
1 med. Onion, diced fine

1 Red Cabbage, washed and cup up fairly finely, e.g. for Cole slaw
1 c. water
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp. sugar
1 tsp. apple cider vinegar
1 whole apple, peeled, cored and cut up into a rough dice
1 bay leaf
2 whole cloves
------------------
1 pinch flour sprinkled on top

In a saucepan, melt the butter and sauté the onion. Add the cabbage, water, and all the other ingredients (except the flour), mix. Sprinkle with a pinch of flour, put on a tight lid and cook over medium heat until boiling. Then reduce the heat and cook until the apple chunks disappear. Check the water level occasionally to make sure it doesn't burn.

New Year's Day and Resolutions

I resolve...hmm. I actually never make resolutions, never did, and didn't intend to because most of the time, resolutions sound more like wishes. Wishes are things which are out of our control and have a low success rate, like losing 20 pounds.

Speaking of weight, back in 1991, I actually lost 30 pounds and became almost emaciated, but that was in the olden days when I hated life in general and I was in my "grit your teeth and bear it" phase. Iron will. You--will--exercise--today--because--it's--good--for--you--and--your--feelings--don't--matter phase. Life is unpleasant so get used to the idea. Just do it.

Then, I meet my future husband, grew happy, got married, grew happier still, and rediscovered the pleasure in life, which includes eating. So now, I need to lose 20 pounds, but you know what? I'm still enjoying life and I like food and maybe 20 extra pounds isn't so bad. It's not like I snack all day or lay around eating chocolates, because I don't. Never did. And many days, I eat just two meals. The problem is, I don't get enough exercise (sitting at the computer is not exercise, regardless of how fast you type) although I do walk the doggies a mile or two every day.

Any-who, this was supposed to be about resolutions and not about my expanding girth.

So, because others keep asking me about my resolutions, I finally gave in to the social pressure and made some up to give my friends something to talk about. These are resolutions as opposed to wishes, and I actually believe I have a good chance at making most, if not all, of them succeed.

In case anyone wonders, I'm trying to become a published writer, instead of just a wannabe, so that will explain some of the more esoteric ones. I didn't include the obvious: I will be published, because that really is a wish and not a resolution (see "wishes" below). I have no control over what editors do or think about any work my agent submits. All I can do is provide my agent with manuscripts and hope for the best.

New Year's Day Resolutions for 2006

I officially make the following resolutions with the appropriate caveats:

1) I will finish at least 2 more manuscripts in 2006 (unless my agent gets any of my existing manuscripts published, and the subsequent flurry of activity prevents this).

2) I will not moan (too often) about the difficulties of getting published to my already published critique partners or this blog. This honor will be lavished upon my UNpublished critique partner who is hereby required to be sympathetic under all conditions, no matter how desperate. In return, I will listen to her, or at least appear to do so, instead of staring at my belly-button and humming.

3) I will not become so depressed during the summer doldrums that I stop writing for days on end, or stop eating, which actually would be of great benefit in the "lose weight" department, but I won't do it, anyway. Losing weight is not one of my resolutions, so I don't have to do it. I shall thrust my self-loathing/defeatist attitude into my writing and depress my critique partners, instead, and remain at least 20 pounds overweight.

4) I will laugh in the face of morale-crushing rejections and file them away in a timely manner in my new 2" thick three-ring binder purchased for that express purpose (after I filled up my 1" binder with rejections from 2001-2005).

And lastly:
5) I will not accept defeat, regardless of what my agent says, or how many editors and/or postal clerks plead with me to cease-and-desist or beg the courts to swear out restraining orders against me making any more furtive trips to the post office with over-stuffed flat-rate envelopes under my arm.

New Year's Day Wishes for 2006
The above were my resolutions, now for my wishes:

1) I will be contracted by a real brick-and-mortar, single-title, paper-or-hardcover publisher in 2006, with said book coming out by the end of 2006, 2007, or 2008, whichever comes sooner.

2) My agent will continue to love anything and everything I send to her.

3) Furthermore, my agent will find an editor for me, who will stand in awe and bow to my obvious greatness as a writer, and expand the publicity budget on my first published novel to at least threee times what they normally spend on new writers.

4) Once published, all reviewers will sit in awe as they read my novel, bow obsequiously, and write wonderful reviews, thereby causing unheard-of sales of my first novel and thrusting it into the New York Times Bestsellers list for an entire month.

5) I will make obscene amounts of money on my New York Times Bestseller and rights will be sold to a major motion picture company. A major motion picture will be made, starring someone--oh, maybe Jude Law, although I'd really prefer Tom Selleck except I don't know if he'd be believable as a 28-year-old British guy, hence my Jude Law suggestion (hint, hint) to movie producers everywhere, who will undoubtedly be dying for a chance to produce my novel as a really major motion picture... Except under no circumstances will they hire an actress with fat, puffy lips to play my heroine. I hate fat, puffy lips.

That's it.
Here's to 2006 and may it bring everyone, everything they could desire instead of what they deserve.
(Oops, that was a little snarky, but I'll let it stand...)

This Just Creeps Me Out

Has anyone else had this experience? Because it happened to me today and it creeped me out. Boredom being a prime motivator, I was diddling with the Internet after work and thought I'd look up an old boyfriend and see if anyone (like other old girlfriends) had any blogs where they made snarky comments about him. I love snarky comments about anyone, and snarky comments about him would be primo stuff.

Because this guy was a total psychic drain, I mean, it was like dating someone who was continually pouring Draino into your ear to eat away your brain ("I love you--I can't imagine what life would be like without you..." nice words but since he said the same thing to every girl he met in a bar, it was more-or-less just a few ounces of Draino). He only said this crap so you would do what he wanted, e.g. let him play fast-and-loose with your emotions and suck the life out of you without any nasty complications such as marriage or any kind of a committment that might have at least given you a decent reason for hanging around wasting all your fertile years on a total bozo. I mean, I knew if he wasn't with me, he was with someone else, but because of that darn Draino eating away at my brain, I let him get away with it. And to make matters worse, he had this arrogant, "all the girls I've ever dated have been better for the experience" attitude, which, in retrospect, sort of proves it had to be some kind of Draino he was pouring into my ear, because why else would I have ever dated someone who says crap like that for any length of time? I can't even think about that now without laughing until blood pours out of my eyes.

Enough about that. Back to what creeped me out.
So, because I was missing my husband (who has been away for a week and I really, really miss him) and it's the holiday season and both my parents are dead and I was feeling a little down-in-the-mouth, I said, well, heck, I'll search the Internet for references to this guy, hoping to find some blog with some snarky comments about him. Which would have been just so cool and really make me feel better.

Well, I didn't find any references to him, except his own. How totally typical. He's a geezer now (and from his pictures on the Internet, he looks like a geezer which did make me feel better, although he is also dating this young woman born in 1970, which made me feel worse--for her--because this guy is now pouring Draino into her ear...) and like so many geezers, he's gotten into geneology. So, he's published a bunch of family geneology stuff for his family, along with scads of family pictures.

How nice for them.

Now here's the creepy part.
He mentioned me in his geneology. I was never married to him, and he's got me in his freakin' geneology. As his friend. I about vomited. We were never married. We never procreated. In fact, thanks to him, I completely missed the procreation window of opportunity (okay, not entirely his fault--I have to take some responsibility for not telling him to piss off when I realized what a jerk he was, but you get my drift...).

As far as I know, the rules about geneology are that you only include people you are married to, or procreate with, because it's supposed to be a chart about whose genes got stirred together with whom's (not grammatically correct but you understand) to make other branches (or show biological dead ends--like him) on the family tree.

What makes this situation so revolting is that this is the only reference to me under my maiden name on the entire Internet. I searched and searched for other references to me, but it was all in vain. The fact that people only know me, now, under my married name, didn't bother me until today.

So my only presence as my "natural born self" as far as the electronic world is concerned, is as this guy's G-D friend. Not only is my only claim to fame as my true, unbonded self, a connection which I wish I had never had to this Draino-weilding guy, he also entered my freakin' birth date wrong! He's off by 26 days, so he didn't even get the facts right that he entered into the family history.

I wanted to write this daft sod and tell him to take me out of there, but the problem is, he's creeped me out now and I don't want any contact with him. Grrh.

Why would he do this? Why? I swear I never did anything to deserve being thrown into his family history as "the friend". Oh, I'm not the only one, though. He also threw in this one other babe (the new, young thing born in 1970). I wonder if she knows she is now memoralized for the rest of time as his friend in his family tree? How insulting is that? Is it possible she thinks this is sweet? Perhaps...but only if that Draino ate more of her brain than it ate of mine.

Creepy, creepy, creepy.
I just wish my husband would come home soon.

Argh! I've been tagged!
I don't know what it means, but I've been tagged to write ten reading secrets by a good friend, Edie . It's kind of fun, though, because it gets me to think about something that is so much a part of me, that it's like someone asking you to think about breathing. I'm always shocked when I walk into other people's houses and slowly notice something horribly missing--no reading material! What do these people do? How can they NOT have reading material, even a magazine or two strewn around? It defies imagination. My house is always stuffed full of reading material--in fact that 's one of our biggest problems. We could start a small library. Actually, we have more books than our town's lending library already...

Just to be on the safe side and so I don't forget, I'll be passing on this curse of writing ten reading secrets to Suzanne, Michelle and Mai at:
Suzanne http://www.suzannemcminn.com
Michelle http://www.michellerowen.com
Mai http://www.maichristythao.com

What are my reading secrets? They're not secrets, really, so much as great memories...

1) My dad taught me to read before I went to school, using a chalk board, flash cards and this wonderful board with small pictures, like a picture of a cat, to help you pick up basic units of sounds. We did the traditional "sounding it out" strategies, and I thought it was a terrific game. Little did I know that my father was using this as preparation for his later experimentation with his children as beta testers for the work he was doing with the Air Force. All these years I thought he just liked to play word and math games with us, when in reality, he was developing psychological tests for his job. It wasn't until I went to college that he admitted he had done this horrible thing to us on the grounds that, "If a kid in elementary school can understand a set of exam questions, then someone who will be flying a fighter plane sure as heck ought to be able to pass the damn thing."

2) Not satisfied with just that, my dad also tortured me by sitting up with me and reading me stories at bedtime, until I entered the first grade. That fall, he started on "The Swiss Family Robinson" and got about half-way through when he stopped.
"What do you mean, you aren't going to read any more to me? The pirates are attacking the family - what happens next? You can't stop now!"
Dad smiled and handed me our regular nighttime snack of a bowl of hominy, and said, "If you want to know what happens, you'll have to read it yourself. Sweet dreams, kiddo, and put the bowl in the kitchen sink when you're done."
"ARGH!" I picked up the book. D^mn your eyes, I will read it!"
And I finished it. And followed it with, "The Ghost of Dibble Hollow" and "The Ghost Rock Mystery". Classics every one.

3) At about that time, my dad and mom may have had other reasons for not reading us bedtime stories anymore and making us more self-reliant in the reading department - they were both working and both going to school at night to earn their doctorates. In child development, no less. Both of them. No wonder I'm so messed up, what with dad doing demented Air Force psychological testing beta exams on me, and my mom practicing Skinner behavior modification techniques, it's a wonder I'm not completely wacko. Or maybe I am, and I'm just clever enough to hide it so I can pass as a normal person in most social situations. Or maybe I just think I'm passing as normal.

In any event, these educational opportunities pursued by my parents brought about a situation where we went to the University library at least once a week, if not more often. We'd all truck in, go through all the aisles and come out with armloads of books. Several times, we were told we could not take so many out at one time. That always really steamed me, although it did serve to delay the inevitable. It wasn't until I reached Junior High School that I foundered in dire straights. I'd read all the books they had in the mystery/fiction section, and a good many of the history, as well. ARGH!

Thankfully, at about that time, I found a used bookstore where I could find gothics (Oh, JOY!), mysteries, and science fiction for 25 cents. I also discovered Harlequin Romances, which I could get for 10 cents. I hadn't even realized there were romances. I liked the happy endings, but I have to confess, I still liked the gothics and mysteries better - with a straight romance, I was always wondering when the story (finding a dead body) was going to start and all the omigod, omigod emoting would end. Hmmm. Maybe all that problem-solving affected me more than I realized.

4) Tom Swift books. When I was in the 8th grade, my dad brought home a carton of the first twelve Tom Swift books published. What a great gift--I still have them. I loved all that weird, improbable science, and all those fascinating gizmos. Clearly, this was the first indication of another irreversible mental aberration, my love of technology. Gadgets. Computers. Smart phones. Wired magazine. If I was rich, my house would be stuffed with gadgets. As it is, we only have 5 computers, four printers, two switches, two routers, a handheld, an Alphasmart, two cell phones and a Blackberry, and there are only two of us living here. But, next year, I'm hoping to get a media center computer and a new television! (Our television is about 15 years old, but we actually don't watch it too much other than the weather and history channels because my husband and I are both readers...)

5) Before my dad died, I found out that he had once wanted to be a writer, too. He gave me several books he had on writing from the early part of the last century. My sister also wanted to be a writer, and has played around with it some, and I'm working hard at getting published, myself. Genetic? Who can say. My dad loved mysteries like Jonathan Gash's wonderful Lovejoy novels, and I love mysteries--particularly Lovejoy. Hmmmm. My mom loved romances (contemporary) and I like romances. Interesting. Children are definitely influenced by their parents, that's for sure.

6) But we aren't entirely just an amalgam of our donated genetic material. I have entire bookcases full of science fiction, and that's one thing neither of them could really "get into" although my dad did find a few fantasies he liked, such as Piers Anthony's wonderful Xanth series, and particularly "Ogre, Ogre". It took me weeks to convince him to try it, but once he did, I was then supplied with free reading material for quite some time, as dad would go out and buy all the books in the series and then hand them over to me when he was done.

7) Weird but true. My sister is a member of the Jane Austen society. I'm writing mysteries set in the Regency period in England, right around the period when Jane Austen was alive and writing! My sister is the one who got me interested in this period, mostly by supplying me with my first Georgette Heyer book, "The Masqueraders". I loved that book! That one, and "Faro's Daughter" are by far my favorites. Oddly enough, the Heyer books I like, however, are not the "straight, Regency romances" so much as the ones with a bit of intrigue and adventure in them, or broad humor such as "Faro's Daughter". I might never had heard of Jane Austen and the Regency period if not for my sister! Or know: divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived, for the wives of King Henry the Eighth. Another gem of historical information I remember from my sister's interest in the Tudor and Elizabethan periods of British history.

8) Lately, I've gotten sidetracked by a sort of non-fiction book that has been on the bestsellars list. My husband bought it while he was on a trip, and he gave it to me when he was done. It's called "Stiff" by Mary Roach. It's about...well, it's about stiffs. What happens to cadavers after the human in them has departed for parts unknown. It's hilarious in a sick sort of way, and absolutely fascinating. I'm having a hard time putting it down (okay, so part of that is because when I have to put the book down it's because I have to do something disagreeable such as clean the kitty litter box). When I was younger, I never thought about reading non-fiction outside of school. Maybe it's what happens when you get older and your mind (and posterior) broaden, or something like that, but lately, I've really enjoyed non-fiction...

9) "The Discoverers" by Daniel J. Boorstin. Get it. Read it. It's the history of almost everything of interest to humans. I couldn't put it down, even though it was non-fiction. Each page creates a unique "I didn't know that" moment. I didn't like "The Creators" as well as "The Discoverers", but both are exceptional. When I was in college, I became fascinated with art history, not because of the art so much, but because of what it revealed about the ideas influencing the artists. How they viewed society, what new inventions were changing their lives, and how they were adapting to those changes. This is the kind of information in "The Discoverers". I believe this is also a motivating factor in both writing and reading, at least for me. I'm trying to work out how we fit into the world around us, how our environment adapts to us and we adapt to it. How do I fit in? (Assuming I do fit in, which generally, I'm afraid I don't.) Sometimes, I think I'm reading to find the answer on how others find a place in society so I can extrapolate it to my own peculiar circumstances...

10) Oh, thank goodness. The final point. What else can I say about reading? It is so much a part of my life that I can't imagine not reading. Although, as I've gotten older and busier, I no longer feel so compelled to read a book to it's conclusion if I don't like it. Until a year ago, I always finished a book I started, and there wasn't a book in the house that I hadn't read. When I got new books, they would always get devoured within a month or two. Now, I have stacks of books I've gotten as gifts (or whatever) that I haven't even touched yet. I did the unthinkable a week ago, I gave away two books I've never even read. Five years ago, I wouldn't have done that. No way.

I still feel a little guilty about it, but I'm starting to have sympathy for all the strange or gross things my mom used to do. Like reuse a glass you used earlier. Or drinking a glass of milk and then filling the glass with water and drinking that, milky and gross though it may be. Eating leftovers. Not completing a book you've started. Giving away a book you haven't even read yet. But, you know what? When you're busy and maybe a wee bit stressed, you realize that you're the one washing the glasses and they're your own germs, anyway, and maybe you don't have time to worry about mixing a little milk-dregs with your water. And maybe you also don't have time to finish a book if it just doesn't "catch at you" and it's okay to give them away, too. Sanity or insanity, gross or not, it's all a matter of perspective, and my perspective is well over the hill now.

Whew. I've fulfilled my moral obligation. ;-)

Good News...
The last few days have been very good. My family now has a small vacation cottage on a bay, and we spent last weekend painting it appropriately pale, seaside colors like sand in the living room and pale blue-green in the kitchen. We never had a place built for us before, and even though this is a smallish place--just being a vacation cottage--it was still interesting. Very interesting. Not something you really want to do again, though. Ever.

Who knew we'd have to learn all about septic systems, wells, and water filtering systems (because we're not fond of the taste of sulfur--maybe subconsciously we fear it may be predictive of our circumstances in the 'hereafter'). Our driveway--well--it doesn't exist yet, and in fact, unless you drive a Hummer, you can't drive up to the cottage. So we've got to get a few loads of sand with a top-coat of gravel so that we can actually get to the cottage except on foot and wearing hip-boots.

Those things can all be resolved with time and it's still pretty exciting. I didn't mind painting, either, which was a surprise. I love the colors and it's fun to go from blinding white everywhere to a more mellow, relaxing environment. Last Christmas, I got one of those little Roomba robot vacumn cleaners, and we're taking it up there so I won't spend my life cleaning two places. The poor little thing is overwhelmed with our regular house because it's just too big with too many animals, but our cottage is smaller with linoleum floors (Yeah! No carpet!) so little Roomba-red ought to be quite happy there. I really like Roomba robot vacumn cleaners. They have a small "container" for dust/dirt, but I can live with that since it's usually big enough to let it clean one room. Then you can dump the dirt and go on to the next room. At our cottage, I have high hopes that I can just let the thing run and it will clean the entire place without me doing more than waiting for it to beep when it's digested too much dirt and needs to be emptied.

Our first morning at the cottage, we woke up and glanced out the window and saw a flock of Ruddy Ducks, so who could ask for more? A pelican also scared the heck out of my husband when he was out walking at night and it waddled up to him in the dark, which I thought was pretty good, cheap entertainment. Who doesn't love the sound of a man shrieking wildly in the dark of night, followed by the mad flapping of huge wings and harsh croaking noises?

On the Writing Front...
Just spoke to another agent today, and I'm hoping to contract with her. As usually happens to me on the phone, my mind went completely blank so I could not speak coherently. I hate talking on the phone anyway, and keep all sorts of essential details, such as my phone number and my name tacked up next to the phone for when people ask me those critical things. It may be pathetic, but you gotta learn to deal with your weaknesses. ;-)

With any luck, I'll soon have a new agent (who has an absolutely beautiful speaking voice) and she will be able to sell my favorite manuscript. Then, I can go back to the business of just writing instead of emoting sloppily to everyone who will listen about lack of validation, my inability to find a publisher, or other equally boring things. I also fully intend to stay utterly oblivious to all reviews if and when I do get published. Reviews are rather like an Iron Maiden clamping around your vulnerable body--you're better off not climbing inside in the first place because sooner or later, one of those iron spikes is going to get jammed right into your eye socket. Oblivion is much better. Quieter. More soothing...

So, we're off to the races again. We'll see if we can bring home the prize this go-round. Stay tuned to the continuing angst-filled drama of 'Validation through Publication: Grumpy Old Woman Goes for It'.

Ah, Friday at last...
This week has been difficult from a writing standpoint, but I still keept writing. Will I ever be published? I don't know.

Maybe I'm stupid and masochistic - I actually like getting rejections. They look like I'm trying. And, who knows? Lightning does occassinally strike. Maybe I'll try some more contests.

For those who have never entered writing contests, here are some tips:
1) Decide what you want out of it up front.
Is it to possibly get your work in front of an agent or editor? Or is it to get some helpful comments from readers to find out if you've gone totally insane or if you're on the right track? Your answer will vary depending upon how far along you are in the writing game.
Contests are a great way to find out how others will react to your work. With my writing, people either totally hate it or really like it. I have a hard time with contests because I'll get very low scores from one judge and then perfect scores from others, which means that they average out to something just below the number required to final. Although I have finaled in 4 contests, after I learned the second point, below.

2) If you want to get your work in front of an agent or editor, realize a few hard truths:
a) This won't happen unless you follow every single rule of the game. Pay attention and follow all the contest rules, including all the formatting rules. Make sure your entry is clean and grammatically correct. Don't sit there and quibble about fonts and margins. Use 1" margins on all sides, and either Times New Roman or Courier (Dark Courier is best). The contest will tell you which to use. You've got to make it to the final round to get your work in front of an agent/editor, so your entry has to be flawless. Some judges will nit-pick you to death and mark every single comma or lack of commas.
b) If this is a romance contest, chop up your first few chapters to make sure your hero and heroine meet, because a goodly number of points depend upon these two characters meeting.
Remember: You're entry doesn't have to be exactly what your first three chapters are "in reality", it has to be the the first three chapters edited to get the maximum number of points. Get the score sheets and see what will earn you points. If the hero gets 10 points, make sure he's somewhere in the material submitted. If the hero and heroine's reactions to each other during the first meeting earns 10 points, make sure they meet before the end of your contest submission.
You don't want to earn 0 points on any category - to be honest - only entries with near perfect or perfect scores from at least three judges will make it to the editor. Pay attention to the score sheet and rethink your entry. Edit your entry to make it fit the contest, while still having it make sense, be sparkling, interesting, and a great read. When the editor/agent finally asks for your manuscript, you can THEN send the "real" version where the hero and heroine don't meet until chapter four, or whatever. You may actually find the edited version is tighter and better, anyway.

That's what I mean about deciding what is important to you. If you don't care if you get to the final round, and just want fresh reader comments, then you don't have to edit so hard to make it earn points.

I find the judges comments, hurtful though they are, to be invaluable for a number of reasons. I can't tell you how many times I've written something that I thought could only be read in one way, only to find out when other people read it, that they get an entirely different (if not completely bizarre) interpretation. Apparently, my brain doesn't think along entirely normal lines. So, finding out what others think is actually helpful so I can correct things that are going to be hopelessly misread by the majority of people.

When you get those harsh comments--and you will--don't read them all at once. Take a quick peek at the scores and then go get drunk. Put the contest packet away and don't think about it for at least two weeks. Then pull it out when you're in the frame of mind that says: I'm going to edit my manuscript now and make it better, so I'll just read these comments to see if they spark any ideas about where I may need to do more editing. In other words, read them in a more constructive, positive mood when you're actually planning to take the advice, think about it, and decide if it's something you want to address or if the judge was high on crack-cocaine and you like your manuscript just the way it is.

I rarely take the advice, verbatim, but I do let it trickle through my consciousness where it will get diverted into completely different channels. Suddenly, I see things I missed or things I want to change, that may or may not have anything to do with the judge's comments. However, without the comments, I may not have gotten my new ideas. So, they can be incredibly helpful. A prime example is an old manuscript I had been editing after an agent told me to tweak it and resubmit it. She never said more than just: the story could use a bit more work.

There wasn't enough there to let me know WHAT needed more work! So I went back through all the judges comments for this manuscript. Really didn't find too much there, but the process got me thinking about changes and what changes might be good, and I was able to do a better job editing it. Ultimately, I shelved the manuscript, but I learned through that process that those painful comments can challenge you to perform editing marvels.

That's about all the advice I have on contests. Now, I have to take my own advice, gird my loins, edit the heck out of two or three new manuscripts, and see what the world thinks about them.