Fiction Writing and Other Oddities

Monday, January 08, 2007

Who are You?

Let's have some fun. If some mad scientist created you by gene splicing anyone, alive or dead, into a baby that grew up to be you, who would have contributed the genetic material?

This is actually a two-parter.
The first part is who you are, or like to think you are today.
The second part is who you would like to be and what are the qualities they have that you want?

I'll go first.

Part 1
I like to think I can write. I want to be a writer. My first book is coming out in May, so who do I think I am now?

If someone dug up H.H. Munroe (who wrote under the psuedonym of Saki) and took a cell, and then dug up P.G. Wodehouse, and took another cell, and then shoved in a few strands of DNA from, say, Elizabeth Eyre, and the result wasn't a man, that's who I think I might be. I love the cynical, insouciance of H.H. Munroe, especially combined with his mythical, panthesistic elements. When I write, I have to fight my characters from saying the biting things they really want to say. I've had to tone down their cynical, mordant wit because people think my characters are mean. They are mean. That's why I like them.

But I also like the sheer brainless silliness of P.G. Wodehouse's characters, and I've got a few of them to contrast the cynics in my stories. There's nothing like the brain-dead to make your story really come alive.

And I love, love, love Elizabeth Eyre for her character Sigismondo and her brilliant descriptions. I'd like to think I write okay descriptions--when I write them. I don't do a lot of descriptions, though. I'm more of a dialog writer with action tags thrown in so you can see when characters reach over and smack someone on the head.

Of course, this is how I view my own work. Needless to say, I doubt readers would agree, except for the part where they don't like my characters because they are mean.

Part 2
Who would I be if I could add the genes of my choice to my own rapidly disintegrating DNA?
  • I'd want the beauty of Grace Kelly. That's a no-brainer. I've never seen a more classically beautiful woman, before or since, especially in her early years (Dial 'M' for Murder).
  • I'd like the writing success (and talent) of Jennifer Crusie--but I don't know if that's actually a gene you can glom on to.
  • I'd like brains. I'm just not sure whose. Someone really, really smart, though, with a good memory. I'd like--just once--to have a good memory. Maybe even a photographic memory.

That's all. I don't think it's asking too much, do you? I mean, if they can clone a sheep like Dolly, then the above should be absolutely no problem.


Who are you?

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